Fierce Forgiveness

I started writing this blog post toward the beginning of May but a serious lack of mental clarity coupled with some intense care giving responsibilities and topped off with some dull-as-dirt graduate work have really kept me from working on things that I am mentally excited about.

As I’ve been reviewing my 2019 goals I wish I could go back in time and give the pre-Public Finance version of myself a big hug and a gentle suggestion that maybe I was being too ambitious. Thankfully, I’ve been talking for years about how one of the most radical forms of advocacy is self-care and self-forgiveness. Forgiveness, more than anything, has been my mantra over the last few months.

Years ago, as I entered the world of parenthood, depression was at the top of my mind. My mom suffered from depression for years before seeking help (support for mental health was seriously lacking in the 1990s) and as the oldest child in my family I saw how that played out. I was absolutely not interested in putting my own family through that so I’ve been vigilant for signs. The births of my daughters, Elizabeth and Ada, left me a little blue but nothing warranting extra help. When I started to experience almost uncontrollable rage following Michael’s birth I knew some help was needed. I’ve been taking fluoxetine (Prozac) for the last six-ish months and I’m grateful for most of its effects. But the mental fog that comes with this medication is something I am getting excited to leave behind.

Through adjusting to life as a member of a family of five, and more significantly when one of those members does not want to take a bottle, I’ve had the opportunity to pursue some professional development of my own. Toward the end of March, I had the opportunity to become a part of the Bossed Up Trainer Team and that learning experience has really helped me grow my professional practice, something I have appreciated so much! For the last year or two I have labeled myself as an educator. I very firmly believe that everyone who works within the education field, even those not in the classroom, are educators. We’re in the unique position of interacting with people when they’re in a “learning” state of mind. Going through that training has really helped me to hone my identity as an educator, something I’ve appreciated immensely.  As with many things Bossed Up, it has also helped me to hone my own professional goals and the lens I’m using moving forward.

All these personal and professional changes have me readjusting my goals toward something more sustainable over the second half of the year. I’m hoping to bring back one post a week with something geared even more fully toward what “having it all” looks like in the life of professional with young children.

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