I believe in divine intervention.
I just wanted to give that sentence a second to sink in before I added to it. I have always had this very peripheral belief in divine intervention. That helps comes when you need it. 11th hour salvation, if you will.
But now, because of motherhood, I have a very real and tangible belief that you will be exactly where you need to be when you need to be there. You will get help in the exact moment that you need it.
As I labored with Elizabeth – in active labor for 3 days – I had the help I needed from outside of me. Nathan and my mom were incredible in cajoling me into walking around, eating, and resting. There was something deep inside of me that kept me from punching them in the face – an important thing to not do to people who are trying to help you. Divine intervention was definitely present.
It was present when I found the strength to ask the anesthesiologist how he was doing. He seemed exceptionally disgruntled at having to administer an epidural at midnight. Again, I feel that divine intervention helped me in not punching him in the face when he couldn’t be bothered to answer my question.
(yes, I wanted to punch people a lot during this process).
In the sleep deprived haze that is new motherhood, I definitely could not identify this extra source of help. But I know it was there mostly because we managed to survive those first few hazy weeks.
That said, it was not until very recently that I actually identified the biggest “extra” help our little family could have received in those early weeks.
I interviewed for my current job when Elizabeth was 5 week and 1 day old. I think it is an enormous understatement to say I was very tired. Indeed, the only memory I have of the interview is a very foggy one of talking about how challenging it can be to manage student expectations.
And yet, 3 days later (two of those days were Saturday & Sunday) I was called by my boss and given a job offer. She even told me that she and the rest of the committee were so impressed by my interviews that they regretted the pay they could offer me was constrained by my union contract.
Let me reiterate. I have absolutely no, f*%^&ing clue what I said. I talked to the hiring committee, my boss, and the dean of the college in three separate conversations and I was so tired all I can remember is that one thing.
As I approach my year anniversary here I realize what a huge stroke of luck it was to end up here.
I was supported by so many women who had worked and breastfed their own babies.
I have coworkers who didn’t bat an eye when I spent most of the week in tears because Elizabeth refused to take a bottle.
I am in an environment that values self-care and a boss that knows that employees that care for themselves do a better job.
My work is pleasant and challenging so I don’t feel guilty or distressed at leaving my baby all day. Well, maybe I should say I usually don’t feel guilty or distressed. Every day is different.
Is it corny? Absolutely. But it is because of this job and how great it has been for me and my family that I truly believe that divine intervention plays a part in my life and the lives of those around me
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