You make me feel like a. . . teenage dream?

Much as I am not a huge fan of Katy Perry, I felt like this particular song was an appropriate title here. 

This morning, after a lovely walk, I sat down to try and get to know Paisley a little more. I like to think that rather than writing Paisley’s diary I’m discovering it.  That I’m really getting to know her in a meaningful way, rather than creating her.  However, the case is that I’m really doing both.  I’m creating Paisley and getting to know her all at once.  Which means that I’m pulling my most poignant teenage experiences (and the experiences of others) and pouring them into Paisley to create a whole new girl.

This morning the Katy Perry song “Teenage Dream” started to play in my head.  Usually I try to push it aside (as I said, really don’t like her as an artist very much) but today I took it as a sign.  A sign that I needed to delve deeper into my own teen years to help Paisley have a real experience.  What was my teenage dream?

I had a dream of independence.  I wanted to be famous, fabulous.  The only thing I’d ever seen with Audrey Hepburn in it was “My Fair Lady” (which I still love), but my vision of myself was her in “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”.  I only realized that after I’d seen “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” when I was 21.  I desperately wanted to be French, even though I didn’t really know what that meant.  I had a vision of myself as a fabulous mother with fabulous children (not really sure where the father played into all of that, but still. . . ).  This was my teenage dream.  It had nothing to do with sex (which is apparently Katy Perry’s teenage dream) and everything to do with being fabulous.

The reality was that I was the oldest of six children, one of which called me “mom” more than I would like.  I was up at 5:00 am every morning to go to church before school.  I was horribly awkward, feeling quite conflicted all the time.  Not feeling good about myself, falling for anyone that gave me a compliment. Really just fudging my way through, being surprised when people outside my group of friends was genuinely nice to me. Not that people were mean, just indifferent.  You know how high school is.  Marriage was a topic regularly talked about in my home and at church, so my mind was on it a lot.  I’m guessing you can see how that could be an issue.

So, do how I smash these two together for Paisley?  The dream and the reality.  What are my most poignant experiences that I want to pass along to her?  What do I want to leave out? 

How did you make you dream and reality come together in your own teenage life?

Misusing Slang

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2 thoughts on “You make me feel like a. . . teenage dream?

  1. For me, making my dream come true involved leaving home, hopefully never to return. I was the oldest of five kids, functioned as the 3rd parent, and was my father’s favorite whipping post and my mother’s favorite rag doll to slam against walls when she lost her temper. I protected my siblings by getting them to hide so that I was the only one left to bear the brunt of my parent’s abuse until they were old enough to spend more time at their friends homes than the house we lived in. I left home immediately after high school graduation, took out loans, & worked my way through college.

    I didn’t dream of marriage, I didn’t dream of kids, and I didn’t dream of boyfriends…my dream was absolute independence from everything and everyone. Freedom. I was cynical & bitter, and while I believed in the theory of love & ‘good guys’, I was withholding judgment until I experienced it myself. It didn’t stop me from writing romance, dreaming of someone else’s happily ever after…but I was never able to finish a story until my future fiance swept me off my feet. Thanks to him, I KNOW true love exists, and I know it exists for me. I found my hero in real life, and if I hadn’t been so determined to strike out on my own, to do my own thing, I might never have met him and discovered that while life as a singleton is awesome, having someone to share it with can be even better.

  2. Eryn, thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry to hear that, I know how difficult it can be to move past being a victim to being a survivor (I’m on that journey myself.) I’m glad that you found someone who can help you live your happily ever after.

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